


Just Drawn That Way

by Dannell Lites Archivist (offpanel_archivist)



Category: DCU (Comics), Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-01-01
Updated: 2001-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:33:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offpanel_archivist/pseuds/Dannell%20Lites%20Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A zoo crew story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Drawn That Way

**Author's Note:**

> This story is archived on behalf of Dannell Lites, who passed away in 2002, with the permission of her family. Posting date approximate. 
> 
> SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGIE!
> 
> Ah do not own any of the characters who appear in this story! DC  
> Comics owns Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew! As for Jessica  
> Rabbit and the others... Y'all's guess is as good as moi's:):) But, in  
> any case, no infringement of copyright is intended so don't sue moi!  
> *eeeeppp*
> 
> Rated G for pure as the driven snow ... except for a bit of innuendo and  
> such:):)
> 
> This is in answer to a Jessica Rabbit Challenge issued on the  
> NC17ToonFiction List! Ah hope everyone enjoys!
> 
>  
> 
> "I'm not bad ... I'm just drawn that way.... "  
> ~Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"~

Rodney Roger Rabbit sharpened his # 2 drawing pencil with his sharp  
front teeth and carefully examined the edge out of the corner of his  
eye. Hmmmm. That should do it, he hoped. There was some intricate  
background details coming up in these next few panels of the JLA - the  
Justa Lotta Animals.

"I hope I get the curl of Super Squirrel's tail right this time ... " he  
muttered. The life of a funny book cartoonist was not an easy one. "Not  
to mention the size of BatMouse's cape! Sheesh! How *big* is that  
blasted thing anyway?" Another of life's little mysteries, apparently.

"Why not try drawing *my* tail, Big Boy?" whispered a sultry female  
voice from the shadows. "I garnet you it's an easier target. And much  
more attractive ... "

Roger jumped from his chair at the unexpected sound, whirling to face  
the owner of that delicious voice. His eyes bulged when he found  
himself confronted by a lovely specimen of Toonhood with short, silky  
white fur, small perky ears (just the way he liked them!), half again as  
tall as he. Struck speechless, the cartoonist and part time superhero  
dropped his pencil.

"W-who are *you*?" he finally managed to stammer. Frantically  
attempting to retrieve his rolling pencil, Roger cried in triumph when  
he again lay paws on the elusive object. Staring up once more into those  
half lidded eyes, he had time to take note of the shoulder length titian  
red hair with approval. His favorite color!

And she was even the right species, too! Woo!

But then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you a spy from Marsupial  
comics?" he demanded.

"Of course not!" cried a perturbed Jessica Rabbit. "My name is Jessica  
Rabbit ... and I'm a genuine damsel in distress here! I need your  
help."

Roger's long ears perked up and his eyes shone with eagerness. "Wow!"  
he declared. "Really?? A real damsel in distress? We don't get many of  
those around here." He stepped closer to the sniffling Jessica.

"Just give me a second to slip into someone more powerful," he soothed,  
"and then Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew are at your beck and  
call!"

Jessica wiped her teary eyes and watched the harried hare step over to a  
window box. Carefully he plucked an oversized, strangely glowing carrot  
from the loose soil of the box and began to munch. Instantly, the Rabbit  
of Righteousness made a sour face.

"Bleech!" he spat. "Have I ever mentioned to anyone to just how *awful*  
those things taste? Must be all that radiation or something. Yuck!  
Give me a nice spinach soufflé any day."

At that moment Rodney Roger Rabbit was consumed by a flash of blinding  
light. Jessica shielded her eyes and when the spots had cleared found  
that the mild mannered cartoonist had vanished. In his place stood a  
veritable langomorphic Hercules, mightily thewed, virtually glowing with  
power.

"OOOOOOO!" purred Jessica. "My goodness! If I weren't so attached to  
my very own Honey-Bunny ..."

"Er - ah - yes... " gulped an embarrassed Captain Carrot. "-Ahem- Let  
me summon the rest of the Zoo Crew and we'll soon get to the bottom of  
your problem, Little Lady."

Jessica was forced to cover he ears this time as, with the touch of a  
button, the Z Building was inundated with loudly blaring klaxons  
shrieking, "Alert! Alert! Emergency, even!" and large rolling brightly  
lit neon signs declaiming "THIS WAY TO THE EMERGENCY! OVER HERE!"

Not unexpectedly, Fastbak, Timmie Jo Terrapin, was the first to arrive.  
"Tarnation!" cried the Worlds Fastest Tortoise. "Cain't y'all shut down  
that gol durned racket, Captain? What's so all fired important,  
anyways?"

Smiling, Captain Carrot pointed at the sultry Jessica, who was smoothing  
her clinging shirt over her ample hips. "She is." he informed his  
compatriot. Licking her ruby lips Jessica Rabbit smiled at the backwoods  
fellow.

With a small cry of distress and a tiny sonic boom to accompany him,  
Timmie Jo Terrapin retreated into his shell, cowering and shaking.

"Huh?" blurted a mystified Roger Rabbit. Approaching the terrified  
tortoise, he rapped loudly on the shell, listening as the echoes  
reverberated from within.

"Helllllo!" he demanded. "Timmie Jo, I know you're in there! Come back  
out here! Right now!"

"Ah cain't," whispered the timid terrapin. "Ah'm scairt o' purdy gals."

"What a loser!" opined the deep voice of Rubber Duck, Bryd Rentals. The  
Hollywood leading duck elongated himself into the room at the head of  
the remaining Zoo Crew members. Entwining his flexible neck several  
times around the curvaceous body of a surprised Jessica Rabbit, the film  
star leaned her precariously backwards and whispered into her ear.

"Ah chere," he crooned in his very best phony French accent (still  
somehow redolent of his hometown of Teaneck, NJ), "Come away wis me to  
ze Casbah!"

"Mr.Rentals!" Jessica protested in a stern voice. "I hardly know you!"

"I know!" the ductile duck admitted with a rueful, lecherous grin.  
"This is the part where we get to know each other better, baby! Heh,  
heh, heh ... "

She stomped his foot but it did little good. Frustrated, the lovely  
Toon gritted her teeth and pushed Rubber Duck's seeking lips as far away  
as possible. Like, say, *Miami*, if that were feasible.

"Give it up, Byrd, lil' buddy," advised a snickering Pig Iron. "The  
lady ain't interested ... "

"Ahem!" Captain Carrot cleared his throat nosily, attracting everyone's  
attention. Tapping his foot with impatience, he regarded his teammates  
with a jaundiced eye. "If you don't mind, guys, could we get down to  
business, here?" came his sarcastic inquiry. He turned to the flustered  
Jessica. "I believe Ms. Rabbit here has something she'd like to tell  
us." Jessica nodded.

"Someone is stalking me," she whispered. "I've been captured and  
escaped three times in the last month! You've got to help me! He wants  
me for his love slave!"

Captain Carrot slipped a sympathetic arm around Jessica's snowy  
shoulders. "There, there, my dear! You're safe now, here with us. Who  
is this dastardly fiend? Do you know?"

Suddenly the room was filled with a loud buzzing. In Roger's arms,  
Jessica stiffened and shrieked, pointing.

"HIM!" she cried. "Magskeeto!"

The Zoo Crewer's gasped in surprise and horror.

"Magskeeto!"

"No, no! NOT Magskeeto!"

"Oh dear ... And me without my Magskeeto repellent! Darn!'

Pig Iron scratched his head in befuddlement -- not an unusual state of  
affairs for him. "Magskeeto? Who's Magskeeto?"

"I am the mightiest mutant in ToonTown!" cried the wrathful, offended  
Magskeeto, hovering nearby in the air. "No one may match my power!"

"You're the *only* mutant in ToonTown!" yipped Rova Barkett, Yankee  
Doodle Poodle, readjusting her eye wear fastidiously. "Didn't you watch  
my Gossip Insiders Special on you, for Heaven's sake??"

"Hey!" protest the high voice of the Mad Stinker. "*I* live in  
ToonTown, too! What about me? I'm a mutant!" The assemblage recoiled in  
horror as the The Stinker lifted his bushy, striped tail in impending  
menace. At his side, The Stinker's Awesome Androgonine growled and  
balled it's huge hands into fists.

"You are doomed, unfortunate ones!" continued the Mighty Mite, ignoring  
the now angry poodle And his partner in crime. "Accept your fate! I am  
all powerful! I am invincible! *I* carry disease!" Buzzing loudly the  
malicious mutant turned his attention to the towering Pig Iron. "How  
would you like a raging case of Yellow Fever?" He racked the Porcine  
Powerhouse up and down with his multifaceted eyes in consideration. "  
... although in this instance perhaps a case of Swine Flu would be more  
appropriate... "

"Swine Flu?" blurted a discomforted Pig Iron. "Why Swine Flu? Anything  
but Swine Flu! Who -what about your mutant power over magnetism?"

"Oh yes," said the Insect Master of Magnetism, raising an eyebrow.  
"Those, too."

So saying, he lifted the Swine of Steel from the floor with ease,  
bouncing him off the walls several times.

"Help!" shrieked the helpless Porker of Power, "HEELED!"

"Oh, dear!" murmured Alley Kate Debra, clutching her Magic Wand and  
aiming her spell carefully at Magskeeto.

SWAT!

The giant fly swatter missed the annoying insect by inches and Feline  
Fur stamped her booted foot in frustration. Flying to safety, Magskeeto  
buzzed triumphantly.

"Ay missed me, ay missed me!" Taunted the mighty mosquito. "Now ay got  
kiss me ... "

"EWE!" chorused all the women in the room. Jessica Rabbit shivered.  
Captain Carrot resisted a sudden, strong urge to scratch.

"Oh, who will save us?" Jessica moaned, wringing her slender hands in  
dismay. "Who?"

"Here I come to save the day!" sang a high, squeaky but nevertheless  
male voice. "That means that Iron Mouse is on the way!  
Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right,  
Iron Mouse will join the fight!  
On the sea or on the land,  
He's got the situation well in hand!"

"An armored mouse?" huffed Magskeeto. "Against *my*? Fool! The lovely  
Jessica will yet be mine! So swears Magskeeto!"

Exerting his control of the electromagnetic spectrum the mutant mosquito  
grabbed control of the gold and crimson clad mouse and aimed him  
carefully at the scurrying Zoo Crew.

"Incoming!" shouted a still dazed Pig Iron, barely managing to duck in  
time.

"Shiiiiittttt!" ululated a most unhappy Iron Mouse. "Look out below!"

But before the Armored Rodent could hit the ground his armor suddenly  
exploded away from his body, leaving a naked, defenseless Iron Mouse  
clad only in his silk boxers adorned with bright red hearts. With a  
great "ooommph" of exploding air he hit the ground and lay still. Toon  
birdies took form over his head and began chirping merrily.

"He's whacked!" announced Rubber Duck.

The tragic scene was interrupted by the timely arrival of a feminine  
mouse wearing a jaunty polka dot skirt and matching hair bow. Her high  
heels tapped rhythmically across the floor before she threw herself to  
her knees before the dazed form of Iron Mouse.

"Mickey, darling!" she wailed piteously. "It's me, your beloved Minnie!  
Speak to me!"

"Jess?" mumbled the rodent superhero. "Jessica, my sweet? Is that  
you?"

Minnie rocketed to her feet in fulminating anger. "Jessica??!" she  
exploded. "Who the hell is Jessica? Mickey, you rat!"

Rubbing his sore head, the now *un*armored hero did his best to try and  
sit up. "That's *mouse*," he corrected mildly. "I'm a mouse ...not a  
rat. Entirely different species, you know."

At which point the justifiably wrathful Minnie bashed him solidly over  
the head with his own helmet. Then she stalked off, muttering  
imprecations under her breath.

"Ba-a-aah-hoo!" the cry rang out in the large room, echoing off the  
walls. Suddenly the windows exploded inward as darkly garbed, heavily  
armed rams and ewes began swinging in through the now broken windows  
buoyed. by retractable cables.

"How the *Hell* -- " began the ever clueless Pig Iron.

"It's Nick Furry and his Agents of S.H.E.E.P.!" gasped Fastbak, peeking  
cautiously out of his protective shell.in awe at the unfolding  
spectacle.

"Better believe it, HillBilly!" snarled Nick, chomping on his ever  
present cigar and scratching one of his round panda-bear ears. "Dammed  
mosquito!" he growled. "He nailed me!"

"HA!" crowed Magskeeto in triumph.

"Nick ol' buddy," demanded Dodo Dugan, his second in command. "Are you  
all right?" He readjusted his bowler hat while his long red mustache  
twitched in ire around his prominent beak.

"Never better Dodo, pal!" declared Nick. Turning to his Agents he  
shouted, "Sic'em boys!"

"Would someone mind telling me what's going on here?" wondered Captain  
Carrot.

The Mad Stinker, meantime, tucked his tail and cried, "Run away! Run  
Away!" His Awesome Androgonine picked him up and battered its way  
through the nearest wall.

"Coward!" accused a betrayed Magskeeto.

His baleful glare lanced out to peer at the others down his long  
dangerous proboscis. "Later, my enemies," he sneered, riding a magnetic  
wave to safety. "I shall return!" he threatened, "Never doubt it!"

Scarcely had the harassed group of do-gooders recovered from this timely  
exit on the part of their powerful foe when their relief was again  
rather rudely interrupted.

*TWIP* *TWIP*

From the ceiling two strands of micro-thin webbing attached themselves  
solidly to the floor and a colorful red and blue clad figure web slung  
his way into their midst.

"Am I too late to join the party?" Peter Porker, the Amazing Spiderham  
inquired jauntily.

Captain Carrot sighed heavily. "Way late, Web Spinner," the Rabbit of  
Righteousness assured him. The arachno-ham snapped his fingers in  
frustration, frowning mightily. But then he thought he spied  
compensation for his tardiness in the luscious form of Jessica Rabbit.  
His tail curled tightly as he slid closer and embraced her passionately.

"Wanna check out my web, beautiful?" he cooed.

"But what about Mary Jane Waterbuffalo?" demanded an harassed Jessica,  
fending off the amorous Spider Ham with both furry paws.

"Oh that's over," Peter Porker assured her. "MJ is dating Bruce  
Springchicken, now. You know .. 'Hatched In The USA'? All that  
contemporary avian angst? I'm a free ham!" He rubbed his chin in  
contemplation. "Or is it Billy Goat Joel she's with, now? I forget."  
Grinning, the superhero snapped his fingers and began to sing softly  
under his breath.

"Uptown gorilla  
Going out with a naval flotilla ..."

"ALl right!" shouted a very miffed Roger Rabbit in his best Commander of  
the Zoo Crew voice. "Everybody outta the pool!"

"Ohhhh," whimpered Yankee Doodle Poodle, "just when it was getting  
interesting, too!"

"Go for it, kid!" Rubberduck cheered for the Spiderham.

"Out, out!" demanded the incensed Roger.

Reluctantly, grumbling under their voices, the others obeyed, including  
the sobbing, heartbroken Peter Porker.

"Alone, at last!" sighed Captain Carrot, pulling Jessica in for a  
fervent kiss. Gasping for breath, the beauteous Ms. Rabbit smiled and  
snuggled closer.

"OOOOOOO, Roger!" Jessica purred, fondling a bicep or two. "Love Bunny  
... "

Just then the silence was sundered by a deep, yet gurgly voice coming  
from behind them.

"All hail, the pulchritudinous Lady Jessica!" it announced. "Future  
Queen of Atlantis, the Realm Eternal! Imperious Wrecks!"

"Who the Toon are *you*?" demanded Roger, stepping in front of Jessica  
to protect her from the apparition looming before them. Garbed in  
ornate golden armor and a water filled helmet, his cerulean blue skin  
shining in the dim light of the room, the eight armed octopus waved his  
tentacles in greeting.

"I am Warlord Klang," he declared, bowing before Jessica. "Sent by my  
sovereign, Prince No-More, the Sunk-Mariner to declare his love for  
thee, fair maiden. My Prince bids me give you this in token of his  
boundless affection!" The Atlantean Warlord extended two tentacles  
clutching a small bundle wrapped in day old newspaper. Jessica gasped  
and brought her fists to her mouth in despair.

"P-prince No-More?" she wailed. "Oh no! Not No-More! *Anyone* but  
No-More!" In desperation she clung to Captain Carrot. "Oh save me,  
Roger; save me!"

"This is getting to be a bad habit," muttered the Toon super-hero. With  
a sigh he accepted the package from Klang since Jessica showed no signs  
of being willing to do so. "I wonder what Super Squirrel would do in  
this situation?" he pondered., unwrapping the gift.

"It's ... it's a mackerel .. " Roger murmured in bewilderment, staring  
at the glassy eyed picean specimen. "A mackerel ... "

"Attracting No-More's attention is the kiss of death!" Jessica continued  
to wail. "ALL his girlfriends die hideous deaths! Save me, Roger, save  
me!" she entreated piteously.

"A mackerel ... " marveled The Rabbit Of Tomorrow. "Why would No-More  
give you a dead fish?" the Zoo Crew leader wondered. "A dead fish ... "

"Roger! I'm going to die!!" shrieked Jessica, hands locked around the  
hero's throat, now. "Forget about the damned fish will you??"

"Now, now, Fluffikens," the Captain choked, in an attempt to soothe the  
distraught Jessica. "That's nonsense, dear. His current girlfriend,  
Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman of the Fantasical Four, is very much  
alive and well. Why, just yesterday The Fantastical Four saved the Earth  
from GalacTortoise, the Devorer of Worlds. Fortunately, they had plenty  
of time since he's such a slow eater ... "

"Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it!" came the newsboy's cry from the  
street below through the open window. "Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman  
of the Fantastical Four tragically killed on the eve of her wedding!  
Read all about it!"

Jessica screamed and fainted dead away into Roger's strong arms.

Roger began fanning frantically and chafing her wrists.

"Jessica? Jessica?? Speak to me!"

"The devastated groom, Prince No-More of Atlantis, the Sunk-Mariner,  
has, as yet, released no statement at this time. His Sub-Aqueous  
Hunkiness could not be reached for comment ..." droned the perky  
newsboy.

 

The Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed End!

Aedes aegypti = Yellow Fever Mosquito!


End file.
